What does good consent education look like?

Most consent educators create lessons based on popular sex education media and mainstream conceptualizations of consent.

Quirky videos, simple analogies, and clear-cut rules support teachers in bringing necessary lessons about consent into the classroom.

But we need consent education to be effective, not just to exist.

So, let's debunk some common consent education myths that might be shaping how you engage with students on this topic.

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Myth #1: If we teach students the laws of consent, they’ll follow them.

The truth: There’s a knowing-doing gap. You can know the steps for strong public speaking, but that doesn’t mean you’re prepared to do strong public speaking. Knowing the laws for consent doesn’t necessarily lead to following the laws of consent.

A lot of law and policy is up to interpretation. For example, how much alcohol is too much? No law provides this info. How can we honestly answer this for students?

Law isn’t always reflective of ethics. If we want students to be lawful and ethical in their consent practice, we need to go outside of the legal domain.

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Myth #2: We just need the right step-by-step guide for how to practice consent.

The truth: This doesn’t, and can’t, exist. Practicing consent well relies on people being responsive to themselves, others, and the context.

Different scenarios require different kinds of engagement. What Person A needs today can differ what Person B needs today. What Person A needs today can differ from what the same person needs tomorrow. There’s no decision tree that will keep people safe in all scenarios.

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WORKSHOP: Consent Beyond Binaries

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Myth #3: We can simplify consent so that it’s easy for everyone.

The truth: Presenting consent as simple doesn’t make it simple.

While the concept of asking questions like, “May I…?” or “How would you like me to….?” are simple, actually asking these questions in the moment is (a) quite challenging and vulnerable and (b) only the start of a consent practice.

Practicing consent is complicated because it’s an ongoing and responsive, way of relating.

Making consent seem simple sets people up for feeling wrong when they struggle with it.

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Myth #4: We need to get rid of ambiguity — promote verbal, clear, and enthusiastic yeses only.

The truth: In an effort to reinforce autonomy through consent education, this approach directly infringes on people’s autonomy.

Approaches like this are ableist and exclusionary. They take away the rights of nonverbal people to consent. They make it so that if someone is feeling hesitant but wanting, or doing SW, they have to perform enthusiasm for their consent to be valid. Also - how does one interpret enthusiasm?

We need students to learn how to engage with ambiguity, not how to control it.

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Myth #5: We can scare students into practicing consent by reminding them of the consequences of not doing so.

The truth: Scare tactics like these encourage students to go through the motions of consent from a place of fear instead of practicing consent out of a desire for connection and care.

This approach reinforces our carceral systems that disproportionately harm Black and brown men.

Not to mention, this approach doesn’t actually get people to change their behavior (see Myth #1).

Do these ideas show up in your consent education lessons?

Do you want better ways to help your students connect more deeply with the values of consent?

Could your lessons use some more practical tools that reflect the lived experiences of your students?

Do you need support figuring out what to prioritize?

Are you looking for support in implementing consent education in your school or organization?

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Join Anne-Hodder-Shipp of Everyone Deserves Sex ED and me on August 22 & 23 for Consent Beyond Binaries: Teaching with Nuance, Confidence, and Care.

Join Us

Workshop runs 9 am - 1 pm PT / 12 PM - 4 PM ET live on Zoom, each day

Tiered pricing $175-$395

7 AASECT + 7 EDSE CEs

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Get your copy of The Kids & Consent Curriculum!

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Bring Comprehensive Consent to your school ​ What People Are Saying... ​ “Not only do I feel like working with Sarah was useful, I think the language that she left us with will be super helpful in how we shape our curriculum, policies, and behaviors in the future. Sarah is knowledgeable, thoughtful, and well-practiced. I enjoyed her being on campus and hope to work alongside Sarah to shift culture in the future.” - Brandon Thomas, Health Instructor, Philips Exeter Academy ​ ​ "Sarah's 'Consent Shake-Up' workshop did exactly that — it challenged our high school seniors to engage in more nuanced thinking about practicing consent in the 'real world,' after High School. Through Sarah's prompts and well-articulated, relevant examples, the students had deep conversations that left a meaningful impact. Her presentation also introduced me, a health teacher and fellow consent educator, to new perspectives and enlightening ideas that will help inform my teaching, and personal consent practice in years to come. Sarah is incredibly skilled and thoughtful in this work, and we look forward to having her back at our school in the future! - Lucy Schmid, Health Teacher, Montpelier High School

What makes Comprehensive Consent different? ​ Rather than focusing on the legal definition of consent, students in our classrooms learn to grapple with the complexities of meaningful choice and develop the skills and competencies required for navigating sexual and other interpersonal situations, thoughtfully and ethically. Our evidence-informed approach means workshops are interactive and engaging. Together we can help students practice consent when the stakes are low so they're prepared when the stakes are high.